Frustrating it can be at times you need to calm down and go back to basics , there are plenty of people on here that will help you ,so forget the stellarmate for now , post your setup , mount ,scope ,visual i assume so you really only need the synscan handset assuming you have a HEQ5 .
Firstly you need to be able to setup the mount correctly and polar align, and be able to focus your eyepiece if you can do that then a more experienced visual sgl member will be able to guide you step by step using the synscan handset to do a three star alignment , maybe using a wider fov eyepiece will help too 30mm works quite well but someone will get you on a better footing and soon have you observing the delights of the heavens Hold on in there .
regards Dave