Should I Stay Or Should I Go?!

[Qualia]

Can anybody tell me why I shouldn't just pack up everything and move myself, my wife and two children and all my Astro gear out there....?!

Moving abroad is hard; nothing is simple, easy or familiar. It’s very challenging and you will not find everything you were originally looking for. Things change, suddenly and forever.

Some days, you will be solitary. Not in the sense of being alone. Not in the way Thoreau was, exiling himself from the hustle and bustle of mankind. Solitary in the sense of being foreign. Being foreign means you'll sometimes be an outcast, the someone peering in but not invited. Sometimes you'll walk a tightrope without a net afforded to people where he has his family, friends and colleagues, and as you're falling there's no easy way for you to say something in a language you have known since childhood. 

Living abroad is much more than seeing new sights. There is a constant change going on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of life. As Emerson says, whatever course you decide upon, there is always going to be someone telling you that you are wrong. Dream anything you want to dream. Trust yourself and test your limits. In the end, living abroad makes loving life so easy. Living in foreign lands makes you realise that you really do hold your life in your own hands and at last you are master of yourself more than at any other time (Arendt).

For myself, the ideal place for me was the place where it just seemed most natural to live as a foreigner and that was Spain

[PhotoGav]

Good words Qualia. As I read I think of my wife who has been living in England as a foreigner for 19 years and I have seen her experience every single difficulty that you speak of. Part of this whole thing is that perhaps it's time for her not to be a foreigner any more, maybe it's my turn for a bit...

[PhotoGav]

Couldn't agree with you more. I have a vivid memory of driving through the middle of the Kazakh steppe and turning the lights off (it's not as if there was suddenly going to be someone coming the other way!) and being able to drive solely by starlight. My wife is Kazakh, so hopefully, one day, we'll move back to her country. With my little scope!

Darkest sky (well, dark isn't really the right word is it!) that I've ever seen was in Egypt about 25 years ago. Driving from Cairo out to an oasis in the Western Desert in a shared taxi. We stopped for a comfort break, but I just sat out and stared at the sky! I couldn't believe how full of stars it was. I had never seen anything like it and perhaps never will.

[Luke]

What if one of your children loves the move and the other hates it? One wants to stay, the other wants to go back?

Hmmm, can you set up a scope there and control it from the UK?

[Qualia]

Good words Qualia. As I read I think of my wife who has been living in England as a foreigner for 19 years and I have seen her experience every single difficulty that you speak of. Part of this whole thing is that perhaps it's time for her not to be a foreigner any more, maybe it's my turn for a bit...

If there is a wondering of 'what if...', I think it would be a good idea to listen to that voice and pursue its lead. Sound out the idea with your wife. Be absolutely honest and ruthless with each other in terms of the idea. Don't talk about a bed of roses unless you include the thorny bits, the soil and manure. It’s a curious business this wanting to go out of your door and go just that little further. You step onto the road and if you don’t pay attention, before you know it, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

[PhotoGav]

What if one of your children loves the move and the other hates it? One wants to stay, the other wants to go back?

Hmmm, can you set up a scope there and control it from the UK?

Exactly.

Just maybe!

That s a wonderful poem Qualia.

Much food for thought and discussion when Mara gets back from Italy...

[swag72]

Family ties are a tricky one - The hardest thing I had to do when I moved out here was tell my then 86 year old Gran that I was going. I was the only family that she had left in UK. I kept putting it off and was dreading it............ She surprised me with her support. I still go back on a regular basis and do her shopping, a load of cooking for the freezer and some odd jobs but that is my guilt talking more than anything else.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes people surprise you with their reactions to such life changing situations. 

As long as you are realistic about your expectations then you stand a good chance of staying put should you decide to go. I'm sure that a lot of folks move abroad with the 'grass is always greener' attitude. Well sometimes it is ....... depends on what obstacles you have in your way I guess.

When we moved I was faced with the following scenario................ Live in England and work 40 hours a week............... or move to Spain and do sweet FA......... When considered in the cold light of day that's not a hard decision to make and my lawn is looking very lush indeed

If you ever want to PM me Gav then I'm always happy to talk about one of my favourite subjects ............. Why living abroad is so much better than living in England

[PhotoGav]

Good for you Sara, it's great that it has worked out for you and yes, sweet FA on a lush lawn, with an obsy running for hours under clear skies is a 'no brainer'.

Might well take you up on the pm option for some one to one therapy at some point in the future.

Keep visiting your Gran, if only to reinforce the fact that England is like this and Spain is like that!

[Kropster]

I always wonder if we appreciate what we have until it is gone (cue song).

Why is there such a long queue of people waiting to come here?

For sure, it isn't just a question of climate.

If you go, don't burn your bridges until you are sure you want to stay there.....give it  five years to be sure.

[JB80]

I say go for it IF you can.

And if I'm completely honest the only IF you should really be concerned about is an income, the rest of it whilst it may be difficult or strange will come together in the end.

We have been lucky in that my wife has a good position and can apply for jobs all over the place so when we move country at least that side of things are secure, I can roll with the wind and do whatever comes my way(jack of all trades, master of none) but I still wouldn't make the jump without a solid income.

In a way it's a good thing, I don't know how long we will stay in Spain just yet but I get a strong feeling it wont be our last stop. Moving your whole life is not as hard as I thought it may of been although as it has been said family can be hard, more so considering Australia isn't a cheap one hour air fare away but what I have realised is I am better off for it and if that is what it takes to give the best upbringing I can to my kids then hopefully the family you have left behind can see that too.

[stash_old]

I don't have a problem with people living where ever they want just don't try and change "their" culture to fit in with yours - "When in Rome etc".

Nothing is static everything moves on but look at the history of the region and think could it go back to the "dark" times. History does have a habit of repeating itself. Included in that is Earthquakes and Volcanoes.

I don't think anywhere is a Utopia - Well St Helena looks great to me  -  One can dream.

After thinking long and hard if its right for you  then just go for it.