Astronomer's dictionary

[acey]

Alt-Az: little-known star in the constellation of Mountus Minoris, the lesser mount.

Aperture: When boasting about its size, use inches. When trying to sound like you know what you’re talking about, use millimetres.

Astronomer: Two kinds –

“Professional”: never look at the stars.

“Amateur”: never get the chance.

Barlow: boring but reliable (term originates from Coronation Street).

Black Hole: type of credit card used for astro purchases.

Cheshire: place where you go to recover after going mad trying to collimate with a laser.

Cassini division: type of arithmetic taught in Italian schools. Can be seen from England.

Dobsonian: device for exercising the hands by keeping them in constant motion.

Eyepiece: not to be confused with eye-pod.

Filter: magical device that allegedly switches off all the streetlights in your vicinity.

GEM: nebula in the constellation of Mountus Majoris, the greater mount.

GOTO: computerised method of targeting the empty black space beside celestial objects.

Hawking radiation: selling uranium on eBay.

Internal reflection: thinking about life while setting up a scope.

Jupiter: large object created as a means of testing optical instruments.

Kelvin: unit of temperature devised in order to confuse people. Named after William Thomson.

Light pollution: any light emission not caused by you.

Mak: Thing you wear during the three weeks of continuous rain following purchase of a new scope.

Nagler: one who nags about how much you’ve spent on a new eyepiece.

Newt: Amphibious creature, meaning it likes water and attracts rain.

Observatory: shed with a telescope in it.

Polaris: old-fashioned missile that was impossible to aim accurately. Equatorial users named a star after it.

Quasar: galaxy that looks exactly like a star in observatory telescopes. In amateur telescopes it looks like a galaxy.

Red Spot: condition you get if you press your face too close to the eyepiece.

S to Z........ :hello1: Suggestions pleez! :hello1:

[Ant]

Very good!

[jgs001]

Very good.

How about :

S - Stars - What you see when your unbalanced new scope hits you on the head ? you can't see them any other way as it's a new scope and it's raining.

T - Televue - What you do after buying a new scope if you don't have a Mak

[acey]

S - Stars - What you see when your unbalanced new scope hits you on the head ? you can't see them any other way as it's a new scope and it's raining.

T - Televue - What you do after buying a new scope if you don't have a Mak

Love it - keep 'em coming!

[timetraveller]

tele photo an image taken of your 22" plasma screen usually with a mobile phone camera

transient a type of van built by the ford motor company for moving heavy equipment like big dobs etc

[Casus belli]

Stella object: A hallucination caused by too many tins of lager

Telescope: An expensive device used to attract clouds.

Umbrage: The feeling an astronomer gets when he spots a bank of clouds heading his way, five minutes before a total solar eclipse.

Virago: The constellation of SWMBO.

Waining: The state of every astronomers bank balance.

Xenophobia: an intense fear of strangers touching your telescope.

Yearn: The first stage an astronomer goes through upon spotting a new and very expensive bit of kit. (The following stages are Rationalise, Buy, and Bankruptcy)

Zygomatic arch: n. The arch of bone that extends along the front of the skull beneath the eye socket. The Zygomatic arch is the thing that hits your eye-piece hard enough to knock your scope out of alignment.

Edit: Had to change a couple there. This is fun!

[Cloudwatcher]

U - Uranus, a place of high winds and poisonous gases.

V - Vesta. An item of underclothing to be worn when observing on a colda nighta.

W - Waxing. A method of hair removal. (Don't need it myself,mine falls out naturally.)

X - Xylophone. Wooden bars of various lengths that are struck with a hammer. Much favoured by a certain Knight of the Realm.

Y -Yuck. An exclamation often heard at dark sites previously used by cows.

Z - Zodiac. A Ford motorcar of the sixties.

[timetraveller]

galaxy a chocolate confection bar

mars similar to above

milky way as above but less calorific value

big bang theory relating to rapid expansion of wasteline due to overindulgent consuption of above

relativity pertaining to ones family and relations

[Ant]

V - Vesta. An item of underclothing to be worn when observing on a colda nighta.

Don't you mean carp OS?

btw I do realise is VISTA

[The Warthog]

Sh*t! - Astronomical expression that translates as "I just dropped my £200 optical accessory into soft mud!"

xebec - Nothing to do with astronomy, but we kinda like the sound.

xi - in any constellation, a star that has no interest, and you've probably confused it with mu anyway.

yellow filter - the one with the most fingerprints.

weather - notorious preventer of observation.

telescope - a tube on a mount, at which you throw money until it gets bigger.

eyepiece - a device used to impress other astronomers.

a - Canadian expression used to beg agreement when praising something, as in, "Nice scope, a?" [sometimes spelled 'eh']

z - The motion described repeatedly by an equatorially mounted telescope in the hands of an astronomer trying to point manually at anything in the circumpolar area.

[Sam]

Oh Brilliant!!!

[pete_l]

clear sky - meteorological phenomenon that coincides with a new moon exactly twice a year: once at christmas and again on your wife's birthday.

[The Warthog]

Visa - the usually limited-out piece of plastic used to buy astrogoodies.

Whoops! - astronomical term for "Sorry, but your Nagler is headed for the concrete floor."

Meteor - A celestial phenomenon the guy standing next to you sees while you are fiddling with knobs.

Heavenly Body - something possessed by women who are too young or too rich for you.

Sirius - adj. Totally dedicated to the hobby, and willing to spend his childrens' college fund on it.

Procyon - a supporter of Cyon.

[Casus belli]

@ WH Now quit it or I'll waste some good seeing conditions thinking up some more.