A Winters tale

[hes not well again]

The flickering gas lamp and cheery fire illuminated a hunched figure stooping over a large brass reflector in the attic room. A brutally ugly clock ticking on the mantlepiece was the only sound apart from a constant and low pitched stream of expletives from the astronomer as he peered through a chesire eyepeice. Earlier on in the evening, while idly checking the collimation on his telescope, he had decided that the secondary mirror was just a fraction too low in the tube. Then he thought that the primary was also dirty and had removed it. Now he couldn't even see the primary through the cheshire and was begining to lose his temper. After loosening all three screws at the spider and the central bolt the secondary flopped about, mocking his attempts at lining it up.

At the window a bright light showed through the curtains and the window slammed open.The astronomer, ignoring the window said.' Line up you...[such a one who, having attained the age where procreation is possible, nevetheless indulges in facile and selfregarding orgiastic onanism]. At the window a stream of mist poured in and became a tall figure. At his brow was a wreath of ivy and his bushy eyebrows were rimed with frost. 'I am the ghost of christmas past.' He said. The astronomer looked up. 'Oh good, come over here and hold the secondary while I look through the cheshire.'

'I have come to show you what has passed'. The hoary figure intoned uncertainly. 'Look just hold it there and tilt it towards the focuser, no, towards I said. Thats it, hold it there, got it. I can fine adjust it myself now, goodbye.' The astronomer looked up and smiled in such a way that the ghost found himself backing towards the window. After some reflection he dissolved back into mist and seeped in a defeated way into the floor.

'I tell you we've got a right one here Bill.' The ghost of christmas past said to Fred, back at base. The ghost of christmas present stared at him pityingly. 'You have to take charge from the word go. No point in letting the hauntee think that he has a choice, look, watch how a pro does it.'

'He's right.' The ghost of christmas future looked over a week old copy of the daily mail.

'It's alright for you, you have more narrative prescence, your all about whats to come, and you're just a pair of glowing eyes swanning about in a hood.'

'Now now, we've all had some cocoa, don't get personal.' Fred said soothingly. 'I'll have a go now, see you later.'

No sooner than he had made his most dramatic entrance when an allen key was forced into his hand and he was dragged over to the telescope. He dropped the tool and drew himself up to his full height. 'You must come with me.'

The astronomer looked up at him with a mind darkened by the light of ancient suns.

The ghost found himself groping on the floor for the allen key.

'I can't understand it, usually they are putty in my hands. I was there for haif an hour and he swore at me when I moved the mirror the wrong way.' Fred just succeeded in swallowing a sob and blew noisily into a hanky. The ghost of christmas future [Kevin] tapped the stem of his pipe against his teeth while he thought. Wordlessly he stood and with a gesture entered the garret of the astronomer amid much ostentatious display. Spreading his arms he opened his mouth and declaimed '..'. Somehow a cheap chinese 8mm plossl had become lodged in his windpipe. The astronomer watched without interest until Kevin's struggles finally ceased. 'I wonder if the seeing is good enough for a star test.' He said.

[Ian123]

I got well into that, nice one

[imarcs]

Instant Classic. Very funny.

[Astro Imp]

Brilliant

[Craig20264]

[Pug]

:D

[astro mick]

Very very good,an exerllent interpretation for the ever struggling Astronomer.Also very funny.

Mick.