Fancy a trip to the center of the universe : I need volunteers

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Well here goes.

Take one cat.

Take one buttered slice of bread.

We know cats always land on thier feet and bread always falls butter down on carpets.

So strap butter bread on to the cat's back and we have endless source of energy as cat reaches anything near gravity.... Nice form of propulsion. (I do have another one involving wifes, but best leave that one alone tonight)

So make a ship bigger enough, enough cats and bread + cows to make the butter and with infinate energy we can get close to the speed of light.

Who knows the cats may have the wisdom to break the speed of light... ok thats a bit wacky...sorry.

So who is with me....

Bagsy, i push PsychoBilly into the blackhole 1st to see what happens

Cheers, this Rioca is nice

Edited by Catanonia

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on a serious note, i am working on a method of free energy from an experiment a physics teacher showed me many many years ago... It just might work if my brain would...

Edited by Catanonia
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Like the idea of sending all cats to the centre of the universe ... can I volunteer my neighbour's cats to help you?

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The energy the cat uses to turn round comes from the cat, or more precisely from the food the cat consumes. Anyone with any experience of cats knows that the efficiency with which cats convert food into rotation (and other forms of movement) is somewhat less than 100%; otherwise there would be no need for litter trays and/or no damage to surrounding gardens.

Your scheme might just work provided the dark matter in the universe consists entirely of kitty kibble.

However, I'm concerned that the motive power of a single cat is somewhat limited. Many cats would need to be used in order to generate sufficient energy to propel a significant payload at relativistic velocities, and I'm concerned that an additional source of inefficiency would come into play; namely that some of the cats would eat the toast off the backs of some of the others, thus converting the toast-deficient cats from propulsion system to payload.

Here's an alternate idea. If you build a very large number of boxes and equip them with radioactive sources, phials of cyanide and (initially) live cats, you will be uncertain of a very complex state and surely this quantum uncertainty could be used to instantly relocate your molecules to a distant part of the universe, thus beating the limitations of the speed of light as well as the laws of inertia ... and making major inroads into feline infestations, though a corresponding plague of small birds & rodents may be an unwanted byproduct of this revoluntionary propulsion system.

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Hmmm.... didn't we forget the field of grass to feed the cow that produces the milk that makes the butter that spreads the bread that's strapped to the cats back?

Oh and a weather system to grow the grass and the planet to mount it all on lol

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You'd need a way of containing the spinning cat between two gravity sources, for maximum efficiency I suggest placing said cat between a rock and a hard place.

God this is Rioja and it's only 9:37!

Ian

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Cue the Twilight Zone Music. De de de de, De de de de, De de de de.

Drat, I'd missed a De off.

Edited by barkis
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A good idea ....

But " I can't believe it's not better"

Sorry lol

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I'm intrigued by the concept of using wives as a propulsion system, would this also work on ex-wives? If so, I volunteer mine....

Edited by andyr
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I'm with Schrödinger on this one. Put the cat in a box with a radioactive source, a very big padlock and then forget about it. That way my garden stays clean and I don't sneeze.

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you could go with pigs instead and use pig milk. that way you could feed the older pigs to the younger pigs and not need a field of grass.

this is getting twisted now.

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good one cat. apparently the butter side down thing arises because bread/ toast tends to start at table height butter side up and as it topples it has time to rotate through 180deg (or maybe 540?) so if we had higher or lower tables we'd see it differently. just a thought.

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But if you get rid of all the kittens, what do we use for currency?

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But if you get rid of all the kittens, what do we use for currency?

Our gold teeth.

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in space surely even a cat wouldn't know which way is up?

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My cat's asleep most of the time, you wouldn't get anywhere fast!

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Maybe we're going about this the wrong way, why not forget the buttered toast and strap two cats together, back to back....

Then the force they would exert on each other would cause continous rotation.......

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or put some catnip on two cat's tails and watch them spin?

another option is to have two treadmills (one behind the other) and an otter on the front one, a cat on the back one?

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I'm very interested in the wife propulsion system! It must have something to do with drawing heat from the jaw area. Perhaps, if she was shown small video clips of 'Strictly Come Prancing' this of course would massively help increase the jaw rotation. If you really wanted to ramp the heat up then of course you could introduce the topic of buying another scope - however this can't be relied upon in the longer term but might be used as a short term booster!

At this point I would strongly recommend that she is NOT held in the engine compartment with any of her friends - the ship would simply melt!

James

(..I'm in the house on my own at the moment - that is why I feel safe to explore these issues)

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why not forget the buttered toast and strap two cats together, back to back....

It might be less painful to forget the cat & butter both sides of the toast.

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It might be less painful to forget the cat & butter both sides of the toast.

But then we don't get to send all the cats to the centre of the universe:(, which is one of the most appealing features of the idea

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we don't get to send all the cats to the centre of the universe

There's no need ... every cat knows that it is the centre of its universe & nothing else matters.

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Dont forget we can harvest all that loverly Cow Methane !

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Bring a dog along too just in case you meet beings from another world and when they ask if there is intelligent life on our planet we can prove it by telling the dog to "sit","roll over","fetch" and "play dead".

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Bring a dog along too just in case you meet beings from another world and when they ask if there is intelligent life on our planet we can prove it by telling the dog to "sit","roll over","fetch" and "play dead".

Wouldn't we have already proven it by sending all our cats to the centre of the universe?

We have two cats - they're lovely and I am very glad we have them around but not a day goes by without me wishing one or both of the little buggers dead!

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