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Quark telescope rant.


Guest telescope4u
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Guest telescope4u

It's not the normal looking through an eyepiece astronomy. Nor is it even bouncing or receiving radio waves from objects in the deep, dark vastness of the universe.

"It's not?" you ask. "Please enlighten us with tales of the of things to be......Or are you just taking rubbish? We shall decide".

Right then, since you've asked, I shall continue.

A quark telescope - the fastest way to get information about anything anywhere in the universe. A telescope so fast that that it can see yesterday (After all a telescope is just a time piece). The only thing slowing this telescope down is the Quark PC that keeps crashing with a dodgy version of Windows 4000.

With one swoop of the skies the telescope will have seen everything there is to see, up to the point it did the swoop. It will have seen our 20 - 60 Billion year history (depending on who version of time you believe.) It will give us all the information on the Big Band (or moderate plop). It will enable everyone to see everthing that has been. It will enable us to see what are great, great, great, great, great grandfathers in the flesh. It will help us solve unsolved crimes. Anything you want to know about anything that has happend or is happening, you can find out. Is there life out there and if so how close? What's the biggest most beautiful star and galaxy? Where did I put my car keys? Absolutely anthing!

"Sounds good," you say " But how does it work?.

Ummmm. Well we all know what quark is? (Yeah, yeah a piece of overpriced graphic design software). No the other quark, the sub atomic particle quark. Best describe as a dual particle/wave particle :) or much the same an electron (but smaller and nothing like it.). Rigggghhhhhtttt......So we have this sub atomic particle that basically does stuff and holds together the space time continuum. Well it has a evil twin Anti-quark (not sure if it is evil but it sound dramatic). This anti-quark does exactly the opposite of the quark at exactly the same time (no time delay). And distance has no bearings on this. So if you where to put the quark one side of the universe and the anti-quark the other side of the universe and turned the quark clockwise, the anti quark would turn anticlockwise at exactly the same time. Thus proving that light is not infact the quickest thing in universe, infact quite sluggish in comparison to the new...errrmmm let call it Fandabbyquarkspeed.

Do forgive me if I go on.

"No Damien tell us more.......How can the quark be so fast?"

Weeeelllllll...... The thing that communicates between the quark and the anti-quark (Fandabbyquarkspeed) is everwhere at once. It is everything. Or in everthing. It always has been and always will be.

"Right so what's that got to do with telescopes?" you say with a touch of angst.

OK... The quark telescope is a medium to the fandabbyquarkspeed, that enable us to process any information from it ... thus seeing anything that has happened anywhere and at any time in the past.

Make sense?

"Sort of.....when are they available in the shops?"

I think in time for Xmas, I hear Tasco are releasing a 625x version.

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RIGHT THATS IT !

[glow=red,2,300]SOBER UP!!!![/glow]

No more sherbit for him then....... :drunken:

The next statement is Just to clarify things for the rest of the forum members.

We at Stargazers in no way condone the use of hallucinogenic or any other type of drugs.

The Management.

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